Sow a habit, and you reap a character;

Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.

                                                      George Dana Boardman

 Predominantly Inattentive Type

Symptoms include being easily distracted, appearing not to listen when spoken to directly, difficulty remembering and following directions, and difficulty sustaining attention in tasks and activities.  A child with this type of ADHD is also forgetful in daily activities, does not follow through or fails to finish school work or chores, daydreams, appears confused, experiences difficulty initiating or getting started on tasks, fails to pay attention to details and makes careless mistakes, has poor study skills, is disorganized, and loses belongings frequently.        

Predominantly Hyperactive/Impulsive Type

Symptoms include the above, as well as hyperactivity and impulsivity.  Children with hyperactive symptoms are often highly energetic and restlessness, are unable to sit still, have difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly, and have difficulty calming themselves.  Impulsive symptoms include difficulty waiting patiently, interrupting or intruding on others, wanting things immediately, and an inability to delay gratification.  They often know the rules but repeatedly break the same rules, they do not stop to think before acting,  participate in high-risk behaviors, and are accident prone.

Combined Type

This is the most common type of ADHD.  Symptoms from all three of the core areas (inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity) are experienced.

Common Positive Traits

Children with ADHD also have a number of common positive traits.  Recognizing these traits will prevent an over focus on the negatives of the disorder.  Individuals with ADHD are often creative and inventive, artistic, innovative, imaginative, inquisitive, and resilient.  Children with ADHD often make and create fun, and know how to enjoy the present. They are also empathetic and sensitive to needs of others, resourceful, intelligent/bright, humorous, ready for action, willing to take a risk and try new things, good at improvising, enterprising, and able to see different aspects of a situation.

Implications of the Disorder

ADHD has many implications for the child, and the child’s family.  Siblings may become resentful of the attention the child with ADHD gets, and can also become embarrassed by the impulsive, disruptive, and socially inept behavior of them.  Parents also often experience a vast amount of stress and may avoid socializing or even going to the store with their child for fear of embarrassment.  

Children with ADHD often have very poor social skills.  Other children may actively avoid them because of their impulsive behavior and hyperactivity.  They usually have few to no friends.  This lack of social skills and friendships can lead to low self-esteem and depression.  Moreover, without intervention children, with ADHD are more likely to disrupt the harmony in the classroom and struggle academically, and as teens may engage in risky and/or harmful behaviors.

 Boundaries

Children with ADHD are great at pushing boundaries.  If parents do not set and enforce clear boundaries,  children will challenge boundaries and guidelines. Establish reasonable boundaries with your child. If the boundaries are unreasonable, your child will most likely resent them and attempt to step over them. After deciding on what boundaries to set, sit down with your child and have a conversation with them.  Make sure their understanding of the boundaries is 100% clear.  Make sure they also understand the consequences for violating the boundaries.  If they are not completely sure, they will likely push to see to determine the flexibility of the boundaries.   

 Organization

Children with ADHD have a difficult time with organization.  As a result, they often forget to do homework assignments or lose their homework.  You can help your child by teaching them organizational skills.  For example provide them with colored folders and help them label those folders for different classes.  (Notice I said help them and not do it for them!  You want them to feel proud of what they did!).  They can also have separate folders for “to do” homework and “completed” homework.  Teaching them to put their homework in the correct folder as soon as they complete the assignment is essential.  You can also help them put together a homework supply kit.  The supply kit can be a box of supplies necessary for completing homework.  The box can include items such as paper, pencils and pens, crayons, glue, ruler, etc…  Designate a place for the box so the child can easily locate it and not waste time looking for supplies instead of doing his or her homework. 

Time Management

Time management is another challenge for children with ADHD.  You can teach ime management in several ways.  One way is to play a game with them where they guess how long an activity will take.  They then perform the activity and time it.  This can help your child become aware of how sense of time may not be accurate.  Another way to teach your child about time management is by teaching them to enter every aspect of their day into a daily schedule.  By doing this, the child can estimate how long each activity will take.  If they find they are not fitting everything in, they will learn to adjust the schedule to be more realistic, or they will learn to manage their time better.  Your job as a parent is to encourage them and teach them how to make those adjustments, otherwise they may get frustrated because they did not do it well the first time.  Explain to them that most people do not do it well initially, but they can improve  with practice.  Let them know that it is ok that they are not perfect.  The next challenge will be to work with them every day on developing a new daily task manager until they get into the habit of doing it on their own.  This means that you as the parent will have to be consistent and self-disciplined.  After the child has gotten better with managing day to day tasks, they can transition to doing a weekly schedule. 

In addition to the games and schedules, you can have your child get into a daily homework routine.  Teach them to do their homework in a quiet place with few distractions every day.  Have them do their homework at the same time every day.  Encourage them eat and take bathroom breaks before they get started on their homework.  Break homework times into smaller time segments, allowing for scheduled breaks so it does not feel so daunting.  If they can only typically work for 15 minutes at a time, schedule a 5 minute break as needed.  Enforce the time limits so they do not take a break and wander off and lose track of time or motivation. 

Self-Care

Self-care is essential if you want to help your child.  ADHD is a disorder that makes parenting very stressful–no one can dispute that.  So how do you maintain good parenting skills when an already stressful job is even more stressful?  You take care of yourself!  Find some way to get a little bit of quiet time.  Read a book, listen to music, take a hot bath, or do whatever you find relaxing.  It does not have to be for a long period of time.  Just a little relaxing time can go a long way to help with your patience.  Get some exercise.  Not only is exercise good for your body, but it is also good for your mind.  Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress.  The better you cope with that stress, the better you will be at responding to your child and maintaining calm.  Find a support group.  There are a lot of parents going through the same things you are going through; parents who have already been where you are; or parents who are going through what you went through a few years back.  Learn from each other and support each other. 

However the issue is not the experience of anger, but how the painful feelings associated with the anger (hurt, pain, fear… ) are expressed.  Anger can be suppressed, and expressed in ways that are unhealthy and unsafe.  When life is imbalanced and emotions are avoided or denied, they created tension and stress that can facilitate defensiveness, aggression and sometimes explosive behaviors, especially in men.  

The various types of anger and the different stages of anger can be addressed and resolved in ways that are healthy, insightful and expedient. One of the keys to resolving and expressing anger appropriately is the ability to speak the emotions associated with the pain in a safe and supportive environment. In addition, exercise can be used as an outlet for repressed emotions. Healthy sleeping patterns, coping mechanisms and proper nutrition can aid in managing anger in ways that are safe, healthy and reasonable.

If the response to the pain or hurt causes persistent or chronic anger to be mismanaged, then anger management may be helpful.  Anger management can help develop an awareness of the triggers and core reason(s) for persistent or chronic angry outbursts. It can also help explore and resolve the reason for the anger, helping develop a deeper understanding of self and others. Anger management can help men who avoid and repress their anger learn how to speak from their feelings and not just about their feelings. 

 Anger management, usually taught in groups, can help with understanding and diminishing the impact of anger on the immune system, sleep patterns, blood pressure, and moods. In addition, it can address the early warning signs of explosive behavior that compromises relationships and families, warning signs such as aimless pacing, increased breathing, excessive critical behavior, impatience, agitation, and irritability.   

Anger management can enhance awareness, provide and empower individuals with the tools necessary to repair broken homes, improve self-esteems, and heal relationships that are damaged by mismanaged anger.  This can create a sense of resolve, self fulfillment, and serenity as healing and empowerment occur; and provide an opportunity to restore relationships, individuals and family in ways that galvanizes healing and reconciliation. 

 Contact SBS Psychological Associates at 678-205-0838 or visit our website at www.healgrowempower.com to learn more about anger management and the anger management programs we offer.

                                                                     Thales

                                                                                                Buddha

Vince Lombardi                                                                    

Signs that a child may be the victim of cyber-bullying include:

•  A sudden decrease in computer use or keeping a mobile device turned off.
• Nervousness when an instant message, text message or email message arrives.
• Appearing angry, upset or depressed after using the computer or mobile device.
• Frequent complains of illness (headache, stomachache, etc…).
• Withdrawal from friends and family.
• Starting to abuse alcohol or drugs.
• Suicidal ideation or attempts.

As the bullying behavior continues, the psychological distress may escalate into a serious depression, which can include social and emotional withdrawal from people and most activities, substance abuse, and/or suicidal thoughts or attempts. 

To avoid or minimize incidents of cyber-bullying:

• Know how much time your child is spending on the internet and mobile devices.
• Enjoy the internet with your child. If you are unable to sit down together at the computer, know what they are doing online.
• Consider installing parental control software to monitor your child’s activities and limit the web sites that are available.
• Talk with your child about internet etiquette, how to behave and communicate politely over the internet and mobile devices. Make sure your child understands that messages and images posted on the internet can be long-lasting and have a global audience.  
• Teach your child to keep the passwords to their online accounts private and not to share them. Create passwords that are a combination of letters and numbers and are difficult to guess.
• If your child receives an angry or taunting message, teach them to refrain from responding and to tell a responsible adult because responding to these types of messages could encourage a bully to continue to pick on the victim.

If you think your child has been or is the victim of cyber-bullying, or is engaging in cyber-bullying, get them help though counseling or psychotherapy.

Often a child who bullies has been the target of that behavior. Parents should also be aware of their own behaviors because parental actions and responses influence the way children react to or become prone to bullying. The way a child is disciplined at home may establish a pattern for his/her interaction with other children. A parent who disciplines a child with yelling or hitting is teaching a child to react in that manner with others.  Name calling, including racial and ethnic slurs, is a favorite form of bullying behavior among some children. Parents need to be particularly aware of the language children hear at home.

Signs that a child may be being bullied include:

•  Avoidance or an unwillingness to go to school
• Fears of walking or riding the bus to school
• Decrease in academic performance
• Coming home with books or clothing destroyed
• Being mean or aggressive with others
• Decreased appetite
•  Emotional  withdrawal or sadness
• Anxiety or fearfulness
• Sleep difficulty or nightmares 
• Drug or alcohol use
• Suicidal ideation or suicide attempts

Signs that a child is engaging in bullying behavior might be impulsiveness, lack of empathy for others, or a desire to be in control. Children who bully are often arrogant and boastful winners and poor losers when they engage in competitive games. 

If your child is being bullied, or if you suspect that your child may be getting bullied, it is important for you to take steps necessary to help your child.  It may be difficult to ask your child about sensitive topics like bullying, but your child’s life and mental health are worth the effort. Talk to your child openly, ask them if anyone is being physically, verbally, or socially aggressive or mean to them. Inquiries about bullying are a natural extension of regular communication with your child. From the time children learn to talk, parents should have  ongoing conversations with them about their days, activities, friends, and feelings. Get to know their friends, classmates, teachers and coaches. Volunteer your services within the classroom whenever possible.  Inquiries about bullying should be repeated regularly because victims are often reluctant to admit the existence of the bullying because of shame associated with the action or fear that reporting the bullying may create an escalation.

Parents should be observant of their children’s behavior, appearance, and mood, both for signs of the child being bullied or engaging in bullying behavior. Children who have been the victims of bullying or are engaging in bullying behaviors should be encouraged to seek counseling or therapy to minimize the potential negative impact.

Frequently, we forget that the most important lessons in life we really did learn in kindergarten or early life.  I was recently reminded of this by a very simple quote, and decided to share it here.  So if you are struggling with issues of uncertainty or questioning yourself, recall the power of positive thinking inspired by this simple quote:

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

                           The Little Engine That Could

 Or to put it a little differently,           

           ”The mind is everything. What you think you become.”

Buddha